My copy of the book Zen Seeds: Reflections of a Female Priest arrived this past Saturday. I'm so excited!!

My initial reason for wanting to get this book was because my teacher did the Japanese to English translation of the work. But when I went to Amazon.com and was able to read the first essay of the book, I just fell in love with how Shundo Aoyama expressed the living essence of Zen so profoundly with her words.

When the book arrived on my door-step Saturday, I just dove right into it. By just reading them slowly and deliberately, Aoyama's words brought me a calm peacefulness that I've experienced only a few times before reading other true Zen teachers (such as Shunryu Suzuki-Roshi).

Very powerful teachings are offered in this inconspicuous small paperback book. I would highly recommend it to anyone who aspires to follow the dharma path, most especially the Soto Zen practice.

Just some raw honesty to start the week - Twice this weekend I had the opportunity to help someone who was immediately in need of assistance and I passed up the opportunity. I regret not helping either person. I feel like crap right now as I think back on it.

For all my aspiring to live the dharma way, I feel as though I was a miserable failure at it this weekend. There i had the opportunity right in front of me to help out another human being in need and I didn’t act. Instead I let my fear paralyze me into non-action.

My wish today is that I be able to cultivate the habit energy of non-fear in situations where I can be of service to one of my fellow human beings. May I aspire to overcome my fears and be actively engaged as Kannon Bodhisattva in relieving the suffering of others.

I just read this report that was posted yesterday on the effect of the bombing of Baghdad on the civilian population. Robert Fisk: 'It was an outrage, an obscenity'. This is the real price of war. My heart is very heavy for the families of Baghdad that are going through this hell.

May the people of Baghdad find some semblance of peace and relief soon.

“choosing a life far more slow and deliberate” - this phrase just popped out at me while i was surfing the web. don’t even remember where i read it (i’ve been ‘zoned out on zen’ for the past couple of hours). i would like a life that is ‘far more slow and deliberate.’ i feel all caught up in the corporate / suburbia / yuppie rat race. yuppie? does anyone use that word anymore? anyway… you know what i’m talking about. i’m just getting tired of it all and i don’t want to raise my daughter in an environment like this. whatcha gonna do? i don’t know what i’m going to do. for now, get back to the work i’m being paid to do at 10:37 on a Wednesday.

wow, i really like the template that anathea used on her website zen-lunatic.com! it just appeals to me so much! thinking about using it too (she got it from miz graphics). what do you think?

dharma living is not so easy. my biggest challenge right now are all the little white lies i tell people to make myself look better than what they really are. i am who i am today because of my thoughts and actions of yesterday. starting right where i am today, live the dharma as best i can. this is all i can do.

may the divine source of all life give me the strength and willingness to accomplish this today. blessings to all.

All I want to know about the war in Iraq is...

Is it over yet?

I just have to share a quote that I came across today from Soto Zen priest Ejo McMullen:

"Our main focus is in putting ourselves in the presence of the divine truth very directly and allowing our life to align with it."

If I were to say that from the Christian perspective that I was raised in, it would come out like this:

"Our main focus is in putting ourselves in the presence of God very directly and allowing our life to align with His will."

I feel much more at ease with the way Ejo put it. I have heard this stated like this before by other Zen and Buddhist teachers and masters (particularly Rev. Jiyu-Kennett) and it has always resonated so deeply within me. It just conveys exactly what it feels like when I sit zazen practicing Dogen's Serene Reflection Meditation.

I wish you all peace in your hearts.

Just a quick word of where my practice is today. I’m still not able to formally sit zazen on a regular daily basis. I sat for 5 or 10 minutes once this past weekend but that’s it for quote ‘formal sitting.’

Informal sitting, though, has been on the rise. This past weekend I moved my zafu from room to room and sat to talk with Deb or Paul (or to play with Amy). Doing this helped me get into a very attentive mood while with the different members of my family. I liked it. I felt really grounded. Every once and a while I would have a few minutes of quite and would just get into my right posture and practice serene reflection meditation. For now this will have to do. I want to do much more, especially after sitting Sesshin last weekend, but ‘some’ is much better than ‘none.’

Ok, you know what? This blogging thing is addictive. I started off wanting to simply find a couple of other people out there with blogs that were also sharing their experiences with trying to live the dharma life, and found it not too easy to do so. Hours later, I have bookmarked a couple a potential blogs to take a more in-depth look at. But man, I wasn’t prepared for how long it would take me to find just a handful of folks close to the same ilk as I. Was that time well spent? Or was it a waste? I really would like to connect with folks out there trying to do something like I am trying to do. It’s just hard finding them.

Well, I guess the handful that I’ve found so far will have to do. I’m sure more will pop-up over time.

Look for the good ones to show up over on the right hand side of this page under 'BLOG'S I READ'.

This is my new blogchalk:
United States, Pennsylvania, Southampton, Tapestry, English, john, Male, 31-35, soto zen, good music. :)

Good Morning folks. Sorry for the absence in the past couple of days. Live kinda caught up with me. I still want to post more of my experience of my weekend Sesshin and hope to do so soon.

My brother Paul was down for a visit this weekend. It was real nice to see him. He's off this morning to have an interview at Marywood's social services Master's program.

Dharma thought for this morning: Where the Mind goes, the Body will soon follow. Here's to cultivating wholesome thoughts of Peace and Equanimity for today.

The Joy of Doing

"Difficulties in life arise because what I want will always clash sooner or later with what you want. Pain and suffering inevitably follow. In watching Mother Teresa it is obvious that where no I want exists there is joy; the joy of doing what needs to be done with no thought of I want."

~ Charlotte Joko Beck in Everyday Zen: Love and Work. From the talk called "Thy Will Be Done" under the section of the book called Service

I found this book on the bookshelf in my sleeping quarters on the day I arrived at Sesshin. This quote just struck me so profoundly and helped me be of more service to others throughout the weekend.

Well, I'm back from my first full weekend Sesshin at Mt. Equity Soto Zen Monastery in Pennsdale, PA. It was an experience!! I have never practiced zazen in such a concentrated form over two full days. Talk about "getting it in the body"!! I can still "feel it" in the body right now as I sit at the computer writing this out. It's a good feeling. Sore, but good.

I learned a lot about myself this weekend. I had many great teachers (sangha members, Head Teacher Dai-en and "my little pain" who visited often during the many sitting periods).

Please be patient, I will post more of my experiences when I have more time to sit down and collect my thoughts a little better. For now I need to get some work done. Please check back a little later, I'll be posting in dribs-n-drabs today and tomorrow!!

May Peace find a home in your heart and in the world today.

-= DISCLAIMER =-

I am just a beginning practitioner of Soto Zen. This weblog does not propose to officially teach anything. I'm just sharing with you my experiences and what works and doesn't work FOR ME.

I am not affiliated with the Soto Zen Monastery at Mt. Equity in anyway other than my practicing there on occasion.

Thank you and I do hope you can get something out of what I share here.

I'll be leaving for weekend sesshin at Mt. Equity Zendo this afternoon. I'm excieted to be going back there but also a little apprehensive. This is the real thing, not an intro. I don't want my lack of experience be a disturbance to the sangha this weekend. I will have to be extra mindful and watch to follow the lead of the senior dharma students there.

Have a good weekend everyone. I'll tell you all about it Monday.

Peace in your Hearts, Peace in the World.

Smile. Listening to Vitamin C on my way to work this morning and I realized that there is a dharma message even in this pop song...

But you get what you give in this life that we live
And all that you do will come back to you

Smile.

Whatcha gonna do, say whatcha gonna do
Put a smile on your face
Make the world a better place
Put a smile on your face

You get what you give in this life that we live.

So SMILE!

:-)

Living the dharma while driving. I have a 70 minutes commute each way to and from work. This affords me my greatest opportunity to "live the dharma." People can be SO RUDE on the road. It can be very challenging to wish them well as they cut right in front of you causing you to slam on your breaks to avoid hitting them (which would be MY FAULT here in PA).

It helps to think of them as "unskilled" drivers who are learning to be better. I don't always believe that myself but these moments on the road only last for seconds and then we are both on our way. Letting go of any resentment or anger that arises in me is key. Some days I'm better at it than others, but overall since beginning my practice I've done much better. I used to really latch on to my anger towards a particular vehicle that did something to piss me off and I'd go out of my way to "get back." Thank god I have the wisdom and strength in practice to know that will only lead to more suffering (for me and the other fella or even others) and I can not react from my anger. I can be still and just watch it dissipate away. Then before you know it you are in the next moment of the drive, a brand new opportunity to live the dharma.

Moment to moment may I act from the still, peaceful place within.

Talk about facing my fears of impermanence and death! I finally got the ball rolling on my passport application so I can go to Scotland this summer for my little sister's wedding. I know I've been putting it off / out of my mind cause deep down I'm scared shitless of flying over there this summer. Don't get me wrong, I want to be there at my sister's wedding, but it's the flying that really has me worked up. Even before 9/11 I wasn't too keen on flying. Now with war imminent with Iraq and all the possible ramifications that could bring to Americans traveling abroad, my fears have increased a bit.

I can read tons of teaching on fear of death and impermanence till I'm blue in the face, but before I experience them first hand through my everyday practice, I'm going to have trouble believing in the words of the great masters that have come before me.

But what can I do? I gotta live my life right? It should be quite a good opportunity to practice right in the middle of my fear.

Gassho

I got up this morning at 4am. I was supposed to get up at 5. I couldn't sleep. I thought about sitting for 15 - 20 minutes but I have a deadline to meet at the office and there's still lots more work that has to get done on it. So, I felt compelled to just get out the door and to work as soon as possible.

I'm realizing that if I would like to setup a regular sitting schedule at home in the mornings, that I need to be responsible at work and not continue to put things off till the last minute or peter away my time in the office on things like this blog.

If I can improve in this regard, I won't have the built in pressure in the morning of feeling I have to rush right out of the house to get to the office. Without that pressure, I will give my practice a better opportunity to get started and become well rooted.

I can really identify with this quote and thought I’d share it with you.

Uchiyama Roshi wrote:

To fall in love is ecstasy, but marriage is everyday life. Everyday life has rainy days, windy days, and stormy days. So you can’t always be happy. It’s the same with zazen. There are two kinds of zazen transmitted in Japan. One understands zazen as ecstasy and the other understands zazen as everyday life.

For me, understanding zazen as everyday life just makes sense. I can't always be happy, but I can be contented.

Every since committing to practicing Dogen Zen back in September of 2002, with all my family and professional commitments, it's been challenging to find the time to sit. By sit, I mean sit zazen at home alone on my cushion. I'm disappointed in this reality right now, but to compensate for it I've been looking for times throughout my day where I can sit and do a few moments of zazen right where I am. There's a phrase from one of Pema Chodron's book that I like to remind myself of from time to time: "Start Where You Are."

If I'm driving to work and stopped in traffic for a red light, I adjust my posture as best I can in the car and put my hands in cosmic mudra and with my eyes open start a period of zazen for as long as the traffic in front of me isn't moving. Once traffic is moving again I just drive (and practice driving meditation as best I can).

Another opportunity during the day that I try to take advantage of is when I'm at work. Again, I adjust my posture in my office chair as best I can (sitting forward on the chair so as to not lean on the back rest) and place my hands in cosmic mudra. Then facing the rear of my cubical, I begin a short period of maybe 5 - 10 minutes max of zazen.

Hopefully I can infuse my day with enough of these opportunities to practice the Serene Reflection Meditation of Dogen to begin to build a consistent daily practice.

Question: What is the proper etiquette while sitting zazen and I have a head cold? Should I get up and leave to blow my nose or cough?

Answer: Just sit through the discomfort. Here are some words of instruction that I found on the web site ordinarymind.com that seem to address this issue very well:

"Be silent and sit as still as possible in the zendo. Once the sitting has begun, do not adjust your sitting posture or move in any way. That means no scratching of itches, nose blowing etc. Ordinarily we try to avoid many varieties of discomfort; in the zendo we practice sitting still in the midst of our experience, attending to the forms it takes as well as to our reactions and resistances to experiencing it."

SHIKANTAZA, or "just sitting," is alert nonselective attention which neither pursues nor suppresses thoughts, sensations, etc., but, rather, gives alert detached attention to whatever arises in and vanishes from consciousness.

~ from www.angelfire.com/electronic/awakening101/shikantaza.html

Wow! I really like that description. Right now in my practice it just seems to resonate with me and describe pretty well for me what shikantaza is.

Something to read everyday. Here is something that I found amongst the papers I've received during one of my visits to MEZ. I am going to try and read it every day.

For this day, being GRATEFUL for the favors of the Buddha and my parents, let me NOT COMPLAIN.

For this day, let ANGER be a STRANGER to me.

For this day, let me NOT FIND FAULT with others, nor BRAG about my own goodness.

For this day, let me NOT LIE nor ACT WITHOUT REASON AND JUSTICE.

For this day, let me ENJOY LIFE by DILIGENT ATTENDANCE to my TASKS.

~ source unknown

The latest sangha-e! newsletter is out. I like this newsletter a lot. It's the newsletter associated with the San Francisco Zen Center (a Soto Zen Center).

This "shikantaza," just sitting. I gather from my readings that it is a more advanced form of zazen. Something not for beginners. Beginners can start with breath counting or just breath awareness (as Thich Nhat Hanh teaches).

How do you "Just Sit" or "Only Sit"? Where do I put my attention?

Here is an interesting link that I found to help me answer this question:

www.angelfire.com/electronic/awakening101/shikantaza.html

Why did I choose Soto Zen?

• Stilling the mind by "just sitting" (shikantaza) really appeals to me.
  
  
• By being still and stilling the mind, I can better "hear" and "know" the Higher Power of my understanding.
  
  
• Koan's would too easily feed my intellectual obsessions. I need to first practice being still and knowing.
  
  
• Serene Reflection Meditation
  
  
• "God Given" in Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind
  

Getting excited about my upcoming weekend Sesshin at MEZ on the 14/15/16th of March. This will be my very first FULL weekend Sesshin. Previously I've attended two of the 'Full Introduction to Soto Zen Sesshin' overnight stays.

I have chosen to practice the dharma in the tradition of Soto Zen, also called Dogen Zen or Shikantaza (serene reflection). I made this choice in September of 2002 and began trying to practice zazen (as Dogen taught) at home on my own.

I then set out to find an authentic Soto Zen center where I could practice with a sangha and qualified teacher. With just a little bit of searching on the internet, I was able to find MEZ (only 2 1/2 hours away). I am so grateful for finding such a wonderful place and wonderful human beings to practice with.

My journey on the dharma path has brought me to this Soto Zen Monastery in northeastern Pennsylvania called Mt. Equity. The head teacher at the Mt. Equity Zendo (MEZ) is Rev. Dai-En Bennage. I have visited MEZ three times in the past 5 months and have always enjoyed my practice there.

Welcome friends to my weblog of my dharma path journey of my attempts to live the dharma in today's world.